Love

Love. Something many people want to experience and very few do. Is it worth it? All the heart ache and lies, fights, yelling, etc. I look at the older generations who have been married over 30 years and wonder how it's possible. I can't imagine or see someone my age last that long. Especially with Facebook and cell phones and texting. It's a failure waiting to happen and people especially girls don't care if a man is in a relationship or not. If they think they can cause trouble they will. I know because I have done it and I regret it everyday. It's harder to trust because the opportunity to cheat is at the tip of everyone's fingers. It's so easy to do and easier to hide because messages can be deleted.
People wonder why I worry and want to know who is texting my boyfriend. Because he has a family with me and they have no business texting him and ik he gets pissed off about it but that's who I am. Guess that makes me a horrible girlfriend and one that is jealous and can't trust. Don't give me a reason to question my trust then.

Bullying

So currently I am watching One Tree Hill and I am on the episode with the school shooting. And I can't help but cry. I am so scared for my daughter when she goes to school. The bullying and it's horrible. Who gives someone the right to tear somebody down and say they are lesser than them. There is a reason people, students, go and shoot up school. They feel like there is no way out and they are just so angry because they feel like they aren't good enough or lower than dirt. Is it not our responsibility as parents to teach our children to treat others with respect. Not to have these meaningless cliques in schools that leave people out. Yes our children are influenced by their peers but it also starts at home.
I shouldn't be scared for my daughter who is 1 to go to school in 3 years n have that be a chance.

Life Pause

Sometimes I wish time would stop; just so I could catch up with it.

Today, I am listening to 2000s Country on Pandora. Brings back so many memories. Its hard to believe that in May its going to be 5 years since I have graduated. Where in the world has time gone?
My class is married, has children, divorced, engaged, starting their careers, etc. It's nuts. I still remember my high school days and wishing that I could just go back for a little while and change some things that I did, but I guess if I would, my life wouldn't be what it is today.

This is probably my shortest post but I just needed to write it down.

Ripple Effect

The life that you dreamed of and made in your head and thought about before you went to bed will probably never exist except in our minds. We grow up being told that you need to go through school, date around, go to college and get a career, get married and have a family. Relationships take up most of your life between the ages 15-23. Most girls think they have found their true love at 15. They open their hearts and don't have any guards up. That relationship ends and a wall starts to build up. You don't want to go on and don't think you will ever find someone else.
You go off to college and fall in love again and have your life planned with this person. Marriage and a family. Nothing can possibly go wrong, right. WRONG, you let your guard down, you let someone in, like you did the first time, thinking everything was great. That person was your world, but you let that person have your heart giving them the okay to hurt you, even if you trusted them not too.

But how do you let yourself be in another relationship when all the other ones that you pictured as perfect are crumbling down in front of your very eyes? That has to have a huge impact on your outlook on life, right? Why would you want to put yourself in a situation where marriage could become an outcome?

I wish I had the answers to these questions too. I had my first love at 15 and was going to get married and have a family with my second love. Now I have a family with my 3rd love, but am too scared to get married because of divorce and just families falling apart left and right.
How do you not let the things around you have an effect on your life rather or not they pertain to you?
I had a whole different idea of how I wanted this post to go but once I started typing it took a different turn..oh well!